Life's Onward Journey...

...maine sirf aaraam kiya. And now after a week long rest and staying away from humanity, finally I can sing. Are you confused? Let me tell you in detail. I joined a crash-course for singing. The course requires intensive training for a period of 7 days. During this duration you have to stay confined in a small room and keep quiet for at least 23 hours a day. Finally on the 8th day, when you open your mouth to speak, the only thing which you would be able to do is 'sing'. If you believed what I just said, you are even more silly than me. :) I was down with bronchial asthma this time. Forget singing, I could not even talk properly without feeling breathless. Most of the time in the last week was spent in sleeping or coughing (and puking). What made the matters worse was the dysfunctional geyser in the hostel bathroom. Imagine the agony of bathing in cold water and not being able to sing. (Remember the Sanjeev Kumar song, "Thande thande paani se..."). And now after bein...

Last week was near perfect. 2 movies. Dance class thrice in the week. Dinner at a friend's place. Visit from another dear friend. A new technique which seemed to have worked in my hands. And an improvement in my sleep-wake schedule. Since the day I have returned from Pune, my whole routine is changed. I have started sleeping early and getting up early too. I am feeling good about it and hope to retain this habit. The only thing I am missing because of this is blogging. Mostly I used to write my posts late night or early morning while struggling to fall asleep. But now, sleep comes uninvited around 10:30-11:00 and I am dead by 12. Tonight is an exception, so i decided to write this post. Saw two movies last week. Luck by chance and Slumdog Millionare. I didn't like the latter. Will write about it in the next post. As far as the former is concerned, I am in love with Farhan Akhtar. The movie is not great but I really like the guy. I have still not seen Rock On. Will do that when ...

Woke up very early today. Finally I made up on all the sleep deficit that had accumulated over the past few days. It has been a long time since I wrote something on my blog. I was busy with the presentation which didn't go well. And after it got over I was left with many thoughts which I wanted to sort out myself. I know what went wrong from my side and what needs more attention. I will work on it. Learning from my mistakes...but I haven't learnt how not to make mistakes. Picture courtesy: Senthil I have climbed this far and so I will manage to cross the next few steps and the hurdles that come in the way. There were so many things which came in my mind in the last 2 weeks and I made a mental note that I would write about it here, but now I have forgotten most of them. Also, I have not seen a movie for a long time. My "to watch" list includes Slumdog Millionare , DevD and Luck by Chance. Just came to know that Luck by Chance has Aamir Khan in a cameo. More reaso...

Avoiding people when I am in a bad mood is not a new phenomenon for me. I have been doing this for quite sometime. I can feel that it is worsening and my tolerance for people is decreasing. At such moments I just try to stay alone. I don't want to get irritated and scream at people just because I am not in the best mood. These days, I would say that I am in a contemplative mood and not actually in a bad mood. Too many things on my mind and then there is a major presentation to give in 2 weeks. So, I am just trying to keep myself away from anything which might irritate me. I was just thinking that with every passing day I am becoming less and less adaptable. I mean I am living alone and have become accustomed to this situation. I don't have any other responsibility apart from my own. I make my own plans. If one of my experiment is coming in the way of an outing, i just manipulate my work somehow and take time out for the outing. Nobody is there who can ask me to change my plans ...

Nothing is coming in its way now. I cleaned up my room (more importantly my fan) and now the environment is conducive for me to sit and study and speculate. All the clutter is also gone (or hidden). I just need to concentrate and study now. I will do it... Another thing which was pending was the review for Ghajini. I finished writing that too (see below). Now my mind is free for other more important things. Also, my mood is a little better now. After last week's failed experiment I was feeling so low. I didn't do anything except deciding what reagents and other materials are required to make this experiment a success. The cheapest and best option costs Rs. 30,000 only. Prepared the indent and kept it on boss's table with shaking hands, praying that she doesnt scream at me and blame me for the failed experiment. Like most of the time, she didn't say anything, just signed the paper and gave it to me. That was the war I won yesterday. I felt like a school kid trying to get...

I had been waiting for long to write this special post. However, I had not decided what will be the content of this post. I wanted to write something which I have not written before. But then I didn't get enough time to put in more thought. So, I decided to write about my blog on my blog. I came to know about blogging from my friend K2. She was a regular blogger and I loved reading her. One day I was remembering another friend of mine who is no more amongst us and I decided to express my thoughts in words and the result was this post . My second post was about the first love story of my life. Then I started writing about a subject which I love the most-"Movies". I am a complete movie-buff and all those around me can vouch for this fact. The first movie review i wrote was for 'Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna'. It became the most popular post on my blog but I deleted it sometime earlier this year. With the post all the 'fantastic' comments were also lost. I regret do...

The day came and went but not like any other day. I was on my toes the whole day. A lot work needed to be done. I had to work on my manuscript, finish my experiment, pack my bags and catch a train. And in between there were phone calls from friends (many of them call me only once a year and i do the same). There was a lot to talk to but i didn't have time. A childhood friend got irritated when i told her that i will call her on tuesday (instead of saying i will call you in a couple of minutes). It took a while to pacify her. I will be dead if i don't call her up tomorrow. I reached station 15 mins before the departure time (that was an achievement). I really love traveling by train. Most of the time when i am going out-of-station for a vacation or for professional reasons, the 'high point' of the trip is the train-journey. Will write something about it sometime soon. But this particular time, i was unhappy because of one reason. Many of my friends could not wish me sinc...

It is going to be 24 hours since it all started a few kilometers from here. Half an hour back I went to the sea face just to have a look at the city skyline... whether it looked any different. It didn't. The lights at the governor's house, malabar hill and marine drive looked the same at least from this distance. It looked like any other evening. But it isn't the same. Last night around 10:30 pm, I was flipping through the pages of Bombay Times to see if there is a late night show of any decent movie aroung south bombay. I was wondering whether i should go to INOX (nariman point) or Metro Adlabs. The shows at both these places were just 15 mins apart and i was still deciding when a friend called up and asked me to switch on the tv. As i was talking to him, i could hear loud noises which seemed like thunder (or blasts) and finally when i set the tv at NDTV, i saw the visuals from Leopold cafe. Speechless... At that time it wasn't clear as to what actually happened. Initi...

I wish I didn't have to answer these questions... not now at least. What are your future plans? (A vague trick question. It might mean either of the following 3) When are you defending your thesis? (This one is not very bad, but irritates me when i am not in a good mood) When are you planning to get married? (I thought that at least one more person is required for this one...Right? I can't see anybody around. Sorry.) What are you going to do after your PhD? (It is none of your business!) I remember the year I could not get through the All India MSc entrance exams and i stayed at home doing some random things like preparing for Bank P.O. exams, reading Pratiyogita Darpan , making 1 and a half paintings and just doing household chores. In between all this i also prepared for the next year's entrance examinations. There was this particular Mallu Uncle who stayed near our home. Often he used to see me either watering the plants or sweeping the verandah. At such moments, he...

The way I have been using my memory space, I am sure it will crash sometime soon. I cannot imagine how it would be... Just in case it happens, you all, my parents, brother and my friends will have to remind me who I was and what was my dream, my aim and the love of my life. Actually all of you will have some or the other special way of doing this job. But let me give you some ideas which might really help and result in quick recovery. Make me watch all Aamir Khan movies in chronological order (please skip Jawani Zindabad, Daulat ki jung, Isi ka naam zindagi and Tum mere ho as it would be a torture for poor me) I remember certain food joints and shops where i used to hang out with my family or friends. Take me to those places and these are a my few of my favourites. Badam milk from Janpriya Dairy, Alambagh, Lucknow. Aloo tikki chat from Moti Mahal, Hazratganj, Lucknow. Cakes and Pastries from Sweet Home, Boring Road, Patna. Emotions, Boring Road Patna. Baigan Bharta and chapati from...

Okay...it is 7 am and normally I am not awake this early. Last few nights were terrible with coughing and wheezing keeping me awake till this hour. I can feel slight improvement on that front now. So, I was looking forward to a peaceful sleep tonight but I didn't get any. I oiled my hair, then watched a few episodes of 'Full House', then read a few pages of a book and solved a sudoku puzzle (too much!). The last one actually made me feel exhausted so I decided to lie down. At the same moment the sleep vanished and my mind started to wander. These days I keep thinking about my weaknesses and the ways to overcome them. 'There is a lot of room for improvement'. The title of this post is more about that improvement and not about my health. I remember quite a few times when I should have been a little more assertive when decisions about my life, my career were being taken. Not that it has affected me very badly, but things could have been better (may be). I didn't ...

I am not getting time to blog these days. In a way it is good. I should be concentrating more on my paper and experiments. I am doing that. But blogging is like catching a movie on a weekend or having an ice cream, meaning it is not done everyday, it is not essential but still when done, makes me feel good and rejuvenated. My mind has been quite active for the past 2 weeks or so. I have been reading a lot (both scientific and non-scientific stuff). There are so many things which I want to write about. But if I don't scribble it somewhere, I forget the content and just remember the theme. Once this happens I am too lazy to develop the whole idea again. I finished reading Ismat Chughtai's Kaghazi Hai Pairahan . The book is her autobiography describing her unconventional life as a young muslim woman in the pre-independence era. What I appreciate most in her character is the strength and self-confidence with which she opposed her parents and completed her studies. She had made up ...

This December... ...forget everything. Remember revenge...only. Thats what the first look/trailer of Ghajini says. I was quite excited to see this movie till a few days back. And then i saw Memento. Ghajini (whatever that means) is supposed to be inspired from Memento, which is one of the best movies I have seen so far. And I think it is impossible to make anything that can match it. I am a little apprehensive about Ghajini. I hope AK creates magic once again. His last release, Taare Zameen Par has raised the hopes of all his fans. I hope this one doesn't add to the Mangal Pandeys and Fanaas . 25th December. First show...I will be there. :)

I was waiting for my train at Kassel station. It was a sunday evening and the platform was so crowded that I felt as if i was standing at Churchgate station. It was time to say good-bye to Shubha whom I had met after 8 years. We were talking the usual stuff which friends talk at such moments. Call me once you reach. Take care of yourself. Hope we meet again soon... etc. Standing next to us was a couple hugging tightly. The guy was quite tall and well built. I don't remember how he looked. It was the girl's face which caught my attention. It had some weird kind of sadness on it. It disturbed me. They stood still in this pose for as long as they were together. When I told Shubha what I felt she replied saying it is sunday evening and she must be leaving for another city for work/college after spending the weekend with her boyfriend. She added jokingly, that Germans are not as emotional as us Indians and that she will return to her normal self as soon as she hops into the train. S...

I turn back to see if they are still following me. They are. Without thinking twice I enter into the first open door I see, desperately trying to hide myself. The small box-like room turns out to be a public toilet. How long will I have to stay in here? I can now hear them approaching. Through a small opening in the door I can see the bearded man enquiring about a girl wearing green dress that is me. I notice that from under the door my feet could be easily seen. I try and climb on the water pipe which runs along the wall. But then I have to bend myself so that nobody can notice my head from over the door. I don't know for how long I stayed in that uncomfortable position. Slowly I open the door and run in the opposite direction. It is not safe to walk in the open street without any guard. After running and walking a good bit of distance I enter into another door. This one is a parlour, a very dirty one, with an open drain running through it. All the seats are occupied. I see some p...

"I am the root cause of any problem, mental or physical, suffered by me. And only I can cure myself." I have been thinking deeply about my life experiences, what kind of a person I am and why do I get into difficult situations. I have found a few answers myself with a little help from a friend or two.

I remember this hymn we used to sing in school. It is very appropriate for this occasion. Where the mind is without fear, and the head is held high. Into that heaven of freedom, my father, let my country awake. Where knowledge is free. Into that heaven... Where the world has not been broken up, into fragments by narrow domestic walls. Into that heaven... Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection. Into that heaven of freedom my father, LET MY COUNTRY AWAKE! -Rabindranath Tagore

Ten days and zero posts. What does that mean? Firstly, general frustration and restlessness has decreased a little. So, there was hardly anything to vent out. And secondly, I have been busy with 'real' work this week and didn't get time for blogging. It is not by chance that I am feeling better and focussing on things which need my attention. I managed to grab some inspiration from different sources. One of those is special. I cannot express my gratitude in words. And specially not here on my blog. Thanks A. I will do it! I started working on the document which will end this phase of my life. (No, it is not a suicide note!). Till now I am liking it. It will be my child, my creation... Apart from that, time was spent in some other things too. Went for lunch at a colleagues place. (I love train-travelling sans the crowd). Had a farewell dinner with 2 of my close friends at my favourite place. Saw a movie ( Dus Kahaniyan ) and liked it. 3 of the stories were disappointing. I r...

The major cytokine which signals helper T cells to proliferate is Interleukin 2 (IL-2). This cytokine is released by helper T cells themselves and these cells also bear the receptors for IL-2. It is remarkable that to some extent, helper T cells themselves control their own proliferation rate. The more IL-2 they produce, more of it binds to their surface and the downstream signaling causes them to proliferate and produce more IL-2. I love Immunology. However, the purpose of writing the above lines was not to give a lesson on T cell biology. The power to drive our lives, lies within ourselves. May be not always, but often. (I should be saying all this to myself.) :) Next time I am feeling low, I will read my own blog for inspiration. I remember discussing with a friend about one of our common friends, " ABC is the person i turn to when i need some advice. He/She makes all my problems seem so small. But, when it comes to dealing with his/her own problems, he/she behaves impu...

Dil hai to dhadakne ka bahaana koi dhoonde, Patthar ki tarah behis-o-bejaan sa kyun hai... Kya koi nayi baat nazar aati hai hum mein, Aaina humein dekh kar hairaan sa kyun hai... Seene mein jalan, aankhon mein toofan sa kyun hai. Don't know what is happening to me. Whole of last week I hardly did anything constructive. Oh yes, I spent some time in analysing the data on wednesday and thursday. And on friday i did finish the sketch i had been making since past few days. But still I dont feel enthusiasm in myself. Or may be I have been like this forever. And since I am required to be 'highly motivated' and 'competent' at this juncture of life, I am realizing my own shortcomings. Or may be I am not enthusiastic about the current work and current state of my life. The present is full of disappointments and depression. And there is hardly anything to look forward to. Its high time that I become my own inspiration. How long can one wait for an "external source of insp...