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Idiosyncratic me

Avoiding people when I am in a bad mood is not a new phenomenon for me. I have been doing this for quite sometime. I can feel that it is worsening and my tolerance for people is decreasing. At such moments I just try to stay alone. I don't want to get irritated and scream at people just because I am not in the best mood.

These days, I would say that I am in a contemplative mood and not actually in a bad mood. Too many things on my mind and then there is a major presentation to give in 2 weeks. So, I am just trying to keep myself away from anything which might irritate me.

I was just thinking that with every passing day I am becoming less and less adaptable. I mean I am living alone and have become accustomed to this situation. I don't have any other responsibility apart from my own. I make my own plans. If one of my experiment is coming in the way of an outing, i just manipulate my work somehow and take time out for the outing. Nobody is there who can ask me to change my plans according to him/her. I don't need another living being to go shopping for anything under the sun. I go for movies and plays alone. I have gone out for dinner alone. I don't mind roaming on the streets alone.

Because of all this I find it very difficult when at rare occassions I have to change my plan because of anybody else. I know it is bad in the long run. Can't help...

However, owing to the selfish human nature, I often crave for another person by my side when I am in self-doubt, when I am stressed, when I am sad... But that person cannot be just anybody. I feel the need of a special person then... A friend cannot take that place.


Koffee beanzz said…
Saggi..dun worry..u are not alone in this thought and experience..There are people like me too :)
SagittalSection said…
Yes dear...I know you are sailing in the same boat. And I know that you can completely understand what I am feeling.

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