Skip to main content

Pent-up

I turn back to see if they are still following me. They are.

Without thinking twice I enter into the first open door I see, desperately trying to hide myself. The small box-like room turns out to be a public toilet. How long will I have to stay in here? I can now hear them approaching. Through a small opening in the door I can see the bearded man enquiring about a girl wearing green dress that is me. I notice that from under the door my feet could be easily seen. I try and climb on the water pipe which runs along the wall. But then I have to bend myself so that nobody can notice my head from over the door. I don't know for how long I stayed in that uncomfortable position. Slowly I open the door and run in the opposite direction.

It is not safe to walk in the open street without any guard. After running and walking a good bit of distance I enter into another door. This one is a parlour, a very dirty one, with an open drain running through it. All the seats are occupied. I see some people washing clothes there. Too many people in that small room. I start feeling claustrophobic and run out of that place. Something was stopping me from going out but I didn't pay attention to it. I come out and now I am face to face with the bearded guy with a gun in his hand, which I guess is loaded...


...and then I wake up from my deep slumber.


This is what I have been doing for most of the time these days. I sleep late night or early morning and then keep sleeping whole day. Haven't been in sunlight for 2 days now. I shouldn't do this. I know that. If I say that I am trying, I might by lying. I am not trying that hard. But I will. Promise. :)

I miss you MM. I think about those days when you were in the same situation as me. I just want this phase to pass. I know it won't unless I work for it. *sigh* I will.

I have been thinking about you F. 6 years ago around this time of the year you left us. I still remember the last time I saw you. I still remember that smile.

I miss you A. Wish you were here. I know wherever you are, you wish the best for me. You expect a lot from me, I know. But I am not sure whether I can achieve all that.

I miss you B, H and S. All of you have left at the same time. Making me feel lonely...

And I miss talking to you P. Tum kyun nahi ho yahaan...?

Enough! I will stop here.

Comments

kate said…
i miss talking to you too!
Shazia said…
@ Kate

:(

@ Senthil

Iska matlab kya hai?
Princess Fiona said…
dont be upset, dear.. this phase will get over very soon. trust me. things will soon change for good. :)
just be happy. take one thing at a time. dont try to solve all problems at the same time. baby steps.. remember? :)
and celebrate every little problem that gets solved.
agle saal aamir ek aur movie karega.. isnt that good enough reason to be happy? :D
Kokonad said…
You write really well! From now on, you are on my favorites list! Thanks for dropping by the other day... the reason I deleted the post soon after was because I broke a rule of my blogging - and decided to use it as a vent of sad emotions. :) I had to undo it.

Things are looking up now. :) Touchwood!
Mayuri said…
hey!!!


will jsut email you!!
Angika said…
Shaz - I have a challenge for you - your next 3 posts HAVE to be happy and positive, straight from the heart. Accept?

Popular posts from this blog

A poem from childhood...

"Long legged Italy, kicked poor Sicily
In the middle of Mediterranean Sea.
Austria was Hungary
Took a bit of Turkey
Fried it in Japan
Dipped it in Greece...."

I remember only this much. This poem was my first attempt at learning the names of these countries and locating them on the map of the world. And I thought Austria and Australia were same. :-)

It's time to confirm that I was wrong at that point of time, some twenty years back...

Healing and conquering myself, one tiny step at a time

"It is not the mountains we conquer but ourselves."
-Edmund Hillary
Two years back, when I had set out on my first trek in the Himalayas, I did not know what I was getting into. It began as a quest, a search for the place that I was dreaming about for the last few years. Valley of Flowers in Uttarakhand did turn out to be straight out of my dream and I still cannot believe it. I remember sitting on that large asymmetrical rock for more than an hour, looking at the snow-clad mountains and scribbling in my diary as the cool wind blew in my face and the sun tried its best to warm my fingers. 
Less than a year later, I went back to the mountains and it was then that I realized that I was meant to go back, not once or twice or thrice, I just have to be there every once in a while. May be that recurring dream had a bigger purpose than calling me to the Valley of Flowers. May be someone up there knew that it was just a beginning. And now that it has started, it shall go on till my…

Something has changed

I was talking to this friend after a long time and the first two questions he asked me were, 'What movie did you watch last weekend?' and 'Where are you traveling to next?'. I refused to answer his questions till he first asked me how I was. We laughed and he said that he keeps seeing my updates on movies and travel and wonders when he will find time to do that.

I have always loved to travel. I remember once my parents asked my brother and me to make a wishlist of things that we wanted. I had added 'Trip to Delhi' to that list. Then came a time when all the focus was on board exams and competitive exams, and the joy of traveling was forgotten because it mostly meant going to a new city to give some exam. 
It all restarted once I came to Mumbai, 13 years back. Before I landed in this city I had turned into a shy, timid girl whose friends used to help her cross the road and get a rickshaw for her so that she doesn't have to talk to the rickshaw-wala. I can&#…