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Pent-up

I turn back to see if they are still following me. They are.

Without thinking twice I enter into the first open door I see, desperately trying to hide myself. The small box-like room turns out to be a public toilet. How long will I have to stay in here? I can now hear them approaching. Through a small opening in the door I can see the bearded man enquiring about a girl wearing green dress that is me. I notice that from under the door my feet could be easily seen. I try and climb on the water pipe which runs along the wall. But then I have to bend myself so that nobody can notice my head from over the door. I don't know for how long I stayed in that uncomfortable position. Slowly I open the door and run in the opposite direction.

It is not safe to walk in the open street without any guard. After running and walking a good bit of distance I enter into another door. This one is a parlour, a very dirty one, with an open drain running through it. All the seats are occupied. I see some people washing clothes there. Too many people in that small room. I start feeling claustrophobic and run out of that place. Something was stopping me from going out but I didn't pay attention to it. I come out and now I am face to face with the bearded guy with a gun in his hand, which I guess is loaded...


...and then I wake up from my deep slumber.


This is what I have been doing for most of the time these days. I sleep late night or early morning and then keep sleeping whole day. Haven't been in sunlight for 2 days now. I shouldn't do this. I know that. If I say that I am trying, I might by lying. I am not trying that hard. But I will. Promise. :)

I miss you MM. I think about those days when you were in the same situation as me. I just want this phase to pass. I know it won't unless I work for it. *sigh* I will.

I have been thinking about you F. 6 years ago around this time of the year you left us. I still remember the last time I saw you. I still remember that smile.

I miss you A. Wish you were here. I know wherever you are, you wish the best for me. You expect a lot from me, I know. But I am not sure whether I can achieve all that.

I miss you B, H and S. All of you have left at the same time. Making me feel lonely...

And I miss talking to you P. Tum kyun nahi ho yahaan...?

Enough! I will stop here.

Comments

kate said…
i miss talking to you too!
Shazia said…
@ Kate

:(

@ Senthil

Iska matlab kya hai?
Anonymous said…
dont be upset, dear.. this phase will get over very soon. trust me. things will soon change for good. :)
just be happy. take one thing at a time. dont try to solve all problems at the same time. baby steps.. remember? :)
and celebrate every little problem that gets solved.
agle saal aamir ek aur movie karega.. isnt that good enough reason to be happy? :D
Kokonad said…
You write really well! From now on, you are on my favorites list! Thanks for dropping by the other day... the reason I deleted the post soon after was because I broke a rule of my blogging - and decided to use it as a vent of sad emotions. :) I had to undo it.

Things are looking up now. :) Touchwood!
Mayuri said…
hey!!!


will jsut email you!!
Angika said…
Shaz - I have a challenge for you - your next 3 posts HAVE to be happy and positive, straight from the heart. Accept?

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