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Motivation-less, that's me

Dil hai to dhadakne ka bahaana koi
Patthar ki tarah behis-o-bejaan sa kyun
Kya koi nayi baat nazar aati hai hum mein,
Aaina humein dekh kar hairaan sa kyun
Seene mein jalan, aankhon mein toofan sa kyun

Don't know what is happening to me. Whole of last week I hardly did anything constructive. Oh yes, I spent some time in analysing the data on wednesday and thursday. And on friday i did finish the sketch i had been making since past few days. But still I dont feel enthusiasm in myself. Or may be I have been like this forever. And since I am required to be 'highly motivated' and 'competent' at this juncture of life, I am realizing my own shortcomings. Or may be I am not enthusiastic about the current work and current state of my life. The present is full of disappointments and depression. And there is hardly anything to look forward to.

Its high time that I become my own inspiration. How long can one wait for an "external source of inspiration"? Its my life and I am responsible for it. I have to do it myself. I have to be strong and move ahead. Life is a series of lessons preparing you for more lessons. Just like a game, the difficulty level goes on increasing and you win extra 'lives/chances' when you perform well.

I have not been performing well but somehow I have been able to get the passing-marks. I hope to survive till the end of the game. And for that I have to concentrate on the game... Already the difficulty level is testing my endurance. And I am sure there is a surprise-prize for me somewhere before I reach the end. May be I am nearing it...I can't stop now. I won't.


AK said…
Interesting post! very different one indeed
Koffee beanzz said…
Saggi! We are so alike! I too had a terrible week..things just kept crashing..I was in the lowest of my moods and yup..nothing constructive was done last week, except for a couple of blog posts! Havnt been able to figure out the reason..there were times when I felt like breaking down..but just couldnt..the lump would neither go up nor down..I guess its just our stars to blame!
khulepanne said…
खामोशी को अर्थ देते हुए लोग देखे थे, आपने खामोशी को शब्द भी दे डाले; बधाई हो!

और एक कविता याद आती है; जो शायद आपका उत्साह वापस ला सके -

सृजन की थकन भूल जा देवता!
अभी तो पड़ी है धरा अधबनी
अभी तो पलक में नहीं खिल सकी
नवल कल्पना की मृदुल चाँदनी
अभी अधखिली ज्योत्स्ना की कली
नहीं जिन्दगी की सुरभि में सनी!
प्रलय से निराशा तुझे हो गयी
सिसकती हुई साँस की जालियों में
सबल प्राण की अर्चना खो गयी
थके बाहुओं में अधूरी प्रलय
औ' अधूरी सृजन-योजना सो गयी
थकन से निराशा तुझे हो गयी?
इसी ध्वंस में मूर्छिता-सी कहीं
पड़ी हो नई जिन्दगी, क्या पता?
सृजन की थकन भूल जा देवता!
(धर्मवीर भारती)
Aditya said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shazia said…
@ Arun
Thanks for your comment. I didn't know you still read my blog. How's life?

@ Koffee Beanzz
Don't know whether it is the stars to blame. But something does connect both of us. Will write a 'happy' post now and cheer you up.

@ Amit
Shukria humaara blog padhne ke liye. Kavita bahot achchi hai. Main koshish kar rahi hoon ki thesis likhne ke baad hi aaraam karoon.

@ Aditya
Mere blog-readers ka mazaak mat udao. Nahi to bahot bura hoga....
Aditya said…
jaisa aap kahein...
khulepanne said…
@ Aditya alias Confused Human Mind:
Ab aur kya kahein; alias karke aapki taareef likh hi di hai.

@ Shazia:
Writing so much on your blog and saying you are motivation-less! JBKK (K stands for kauwa; rest you decode).
khulepanne said…
@ Aditya alias Confused Human Mind:
Ab aur kya kahein; alias karke aapki taareef likh hi di hai.

@ Shazia:
Writing so much on your blog and saying you are motivation-less! JBKK (first K stands for kauwa; rest you decode).
Shazia said…
@ amit
At least i still have this enthusiasm of creating something or writing on my blog.

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