Skip to main content

I and the others



In one of the earlier posts I had mentioned a review article published in Science recently (Emily Pronin et al). The paper discusses ongoing research in Human Psychology about how differently we think about ourselves compared to how we think about others. The approach we take while judging others is completely different from the approach we take to understand ourselves.



When it is about others, we lay more stress on the inputs we get from our senses (visual and hearing) and we are completely unaware of the other person's inner thoughts. And when it comes to judging ourselves we have access to our innermost thoughts and at the same time we forget about our actual actions (as seen by others). In the former it is an extrospective approach whereas in the latter it is introsepctive. In both the situations we do not have access to the complete information which might explain an action or decision or a situation.



It is this incomplete information which becomes the basis of our inter-personal relationships. We interact with people, work in a team, love one person, hate another, not knowing everything about them and ourselves.



In this context what would being wise and having good interpersonal skills mean?



It would mean taking an extra effort and extracting the information which is otherwise not available while judging both ourselves and others. We need to be less-biased, less-selfish and self-centered while introspecting about our own actions. And we need to empathize with others and try to understand their intensions before judging them. But if either of these is overdone it might again lead to an imbalance.


I tend to over-analyse situations and blame myself sometimes. Sometimes I am self-absorbed and not able to see the other person's point of view. It happens with all of us.


No matter what, it is good to peep into oursleves and ask a few questions :-

a) Am I right in doing so?
b) Am I actually right or do I just believe that I am right?
c) Am I lying to myself?

Answer these questions honestly and then only move ahead. We can lie to anyone in the world but not to ourselves.


I own that I have made some mistakes in life and I do regret certain things. But even if I am not telling anybody else, I am being honest by owning my mistakes. I am not actively troubling anybody. Often I have been the one who has been troubled. What was my mistake? That I trust easily? That I open my heart to people easily? That I forgive the shortcomings and forget the nonsense inflicted on me, not forseeing that same things will act against me?


Every mistake of mine that I know of has taught me a lesson.I remember all of them and I have promised myself that I wont repeat them. I will try my best to understand the other person, as well as I can understand myself. At the same time I won't be able to take any nonsense from anybody.


It's enough.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A poem from childhood...

"Long legged Italy, kicked poor Sicily
In the middle of Mediterranean Sea.
Austria was Hungary
Took a bit of Turkey
Fried it in Japan
Dipped it in Greece...."

I remember only this much. This poem was my first attempt at learning the names of these countries and locating them on the map of the world. And I thought Austria and Australia were same. :-)

It's time to confirm that I was wrong at that point of time, some twenty years back...

Something has changed

I was talking to this friend after a long time and the first two questions he asked me were, 'What movie did you watch last weekend?' and 'Where are you traveling to next?'. I refused to answer his questions till he first asked me how I was. We laughed and he said that he keeps seeing my updates on movies and travel and wonders when he will find time to do that.

I have always loved to travel. I remember once my parents asked my brother and me to make a wishlist of things that we wanted. I had added 'Trip to Delhi' to that list. Then came a time when all the focus was on board exams and competitive exams, and the joy of traveling was forgotten because it mostly meant going to a new city to give some exam. 
It all restarted once I came to Mumbai, 13 years back. Before I landed in this city I had turned into a shy, timid girl whose friends used to help her cross the road and get a rickshaw for her so that she doesn't have to talk to the rickshaw-wala. I can&#…

Taare Zameen Par

Saw the first show of Taare Zameen Par yesterday. A beautiful movie. A must watch for all. The movie deals with an issue 'less-explored'-- needs of a child.

What does "taking care of a child" mean? Putting your child in the best school available. Spending money on tutions, swimming classes, dance classes, and what not. Getting them the best designer wear available. Chocolates, video games, picnics...

TZP tries to define "taking care" which is very different from what is percieved by most adults.

A child who is too young to understand why he is not like other normal children of his age goes through a rough time both at home and school. Then there are constant comparisons with a sibling, who incidentally is a topper and is 'fit to compete in today's world'. He just gives up trying and gets lost within himself. Ishaan was lucky enough to get noticed by a teacher who understands his special needs. How many other children would find similar support? Wha…