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Febrile weakness and aching eyes

Fever, sweat, pain, a melting nose and to add to my misery...crumpled sheet and a dirty disorganised room.

One whole week was spent in this condition. Most of the time i kept myself confined to my room with occasional post-dinner trips to lab. No experiments. Mice dying before i could kill them. Poor trainee calling me at various hours with genuine questions. Absolutely nothing was happening. Just sleep and dream.

The period between two episodes of fever was when i sat reading 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini. By the time i reached the middle of the book i felt emotionally exhausted. Never before a book has moved me to this extent. I wept till my eyes ached.

It's a story of two boys who spent their childhood together in pre-taliban Afghanistan. Of their friendship which had different meaning for both of them. Of the caste divide between them. Of blind love and trust of Hassan and of Amir's envy. Of lack of courage to stand for someone who loves you more than anything else. Of guilt that fills the heart and doesn't find a way out. And finally the redemption.

Can anything be worse than the guilt that you were responsible for turning somebody's life from good to bad or bad to worse? Though the damage cannot be undone, the realization itself that you have wronged somebody is the first step towards asking for forgiveness. But is that sufficient? Does this realization wash away the sin? No.

It takes a lot of courage to accept that you were wrong. Lucky are those who get an appropriate chance to undo their sins. In this book, two different characters adopt two different paths to free themselves of their guilt. However, none of them got a chance to ask for forgiveness from the same person (or persons) they betrayed.

"For you a thousand times over."
Hassan to Amir

"I wasn't such a good friend, I'm afraid."
Amir to Sohrab


Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said…
I wud say, lucky are those who know that they have committed a mistake and have a chance to ask for times one faces situations in life where he/she is not wrong and has not betrayed any one, but still some one got hurt...n even if its not ones fault, he/she is the reason for someone's misery...

"bahut dino se main sun raha tha, Saza woh dete hain har khata ki...

Mujhe to iski saza mili hai. ki meri koi khata nahi hai"


PS: One shudnt get moved by books, there are movies for it :D know my name
Shazia said…
@ anonymous (i know your name)

I agree that sometimes we are unaware of our mistakes and the pain we have unknowinlgy caused to others. But what is the bigger truth? That we are not guilty or that the crime has been committed?

For those who would like to read more about this book check out this blog:

Link forwarded to me by a friend.
Anonymous said…
I guess u miss interpreted my comment...

I wasnt talking abt the mistakes that we dont realize, but wen one didnt do a mistake n still someone gets hurt...

ne way...never mind
Shazia said…
@ anonymous

I got your point. An act (or a decision) by one person can be perceived as a mistake by others.
Sudarsan said…
poor trainee with genuine questions - bet thats me! would be good to also note that various hours were all during the daytime :)
Shazia said…
@ sudarsan

Yes its you :-)
And lucky me, you didnt have an accomodation on campus otherwise you would have worked at night too. And your 'genuine questions' would have come at ALL hours.

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