Skip to main content

Febrile weakness and aching eyes

Fever, sweat, pain, a melting nose and to add to my misery...crumpled sheet and a dirty disorganised room.

One whole week was spent in this condition. Most of the time i kept myself confined to my room with occasional post-dinner trips to lab. No experiments. Mice dying before i could kill them. Poor trainee calling me at various hours with genuine questions. Absolutely nothing was happening. Just sleep and dream.

The period between two episodes of fever was when i sat reading 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini. By the time i reached the middle of the book i felt emotionally exhausted. Never before a book has moved me to this extent. I wept till my eyes ached.

It's a story of two boys who spent their childhood together in pre-taliban Afghanistan. Of their friendship which had different meaning for both of them. Of the caste divide between them. Of blind love and trust of Hassan and of Amir's envy. Of lack of courage to stand for someone who loves you more than anything else. Of guilt that fills the heart and doesn't find a way out. And finally the redemption.

Can anything be worse than the guilt that you were responsible for turning somebody's life from good to bad or bad to worse? Though the damage cannot be undone, the realization itself that you have wronged somebody is the first step towards asking for forgiveness. But is that sufficient? Does this realization wash away the sin? No.

It takes a lot of courage to accept that you were wrong. Lucky are those who get an appropriate chance to undo their sins. In this book, two different characters adopt two different paths to free themselves of their guilt. However, none of them got a chance to ask for forgiveness from the same person (or persons) they betrayed.

"For you a thousand times over."
Hassan to Amir

"I wasn't such a good friend, I'm afraid."
Amir to Sohrab


Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said…
I wud say, lucky are those who know that they have committed a mistake and have a chance to ask for times one faces situations in life where he/she is not wrong and has not betrayed any one, but still some one got hurt...n even if its not ones fault, he/she is the reason for someone's misery...

"bahut dino se main sun raha tha, Saza woh dete hain har khata ki...

Mujhe to iski saza mili hai. ki meri koi khata nahi hai"


PS: One shudnt get moved by books, there are movies for it :D know my name
Shazia said…
@ anonymous (i know your name)

I agree that sometimes we are unaware of our mistakes and the pain we have unknowinlgy caused to others. But what is the bigger truth? That we are not guilty or that the crime has been committed?

For those who would like to read more about this book check out this blog:

Link forwarded to me by a friend.
Anonymous said…
I guess u miss interpreted my comment...

I wasnt talking abt the mistakes that we dont realize, but wen one didnt do a mistake n still someone gets hurt...

ne way...never mind
Shazia said…
@ anonymous

I got your point. An act (or a decision) by one person can be perceived as a mistake by others.
Sudarsan said…
poor trainee with genuine questions - bet thats me! would be good to also note that various hours were all during the daytime :)
Shazia said…
@ sudarsan

Yes its you :-)
And lucky me, you didnt have an accomodation on campus otherwise you would have worked at night too. And your 'genuine questions' would have come at ALL hours.

Popular posts from this blog

A poem from childhood...

"Long legged Italy, kicked poor Sicily
In the middle of Mediterranean Sea.
Austria was Hungary
Took a bit of Turkey
Fried it in Japan
Dipped it in Greece...."

I remember only this much. This poem was my first attempt at learning the names of these countries and locating them on the map of the world. And I thought Austria and Australia were same. :-)

It's time to confirm that I was wrong at that point of time, some twenty years back...

Something has changed

I was talking to this friend after a long time and the first two questions he asked me were, 'What movie did you watch last weekend?' and 'Where are you traveling to next?'. I refused to answer his questions till he first asked me how I was. We laughed and he said that he keeps seeing my updates on movies and travel and wonders when he will find time to do that.

I have always loved to travel. I remember once my parents asked my brother and me to make a wishlist of things that we wanted. I had added 'Trip to Delhi' to that list. Then came a time when all the focus was on board exams and competitive exams, and the joy of traveling was forgotten because it mostly meant going to a new city to give some exam. 
It all restarted once I came to Mumbai, 13 years back. Before I landed in this city I had turned into a shy, timid girl whose friends used to help her cross the road and get a rickshaw for her so that she doesn't have to talk to the rickshaw-wala. I can&#…

Taare Zameen Par

Saw the first show of Taare Zameen Par yesterday. A beautiful movie. A must watch for all. The movie deals with an issue 'less-explored'-- needs of a child.

What does "taking care of a child" mean? Putting your child in the best school available. Spending money on tutions, swimming classes, dance classes, and what not. Getting them the best designer wear available. Chocolates, video games, picnics...

TZP tries to define "taking care" which is very different from what is percieved by most adults.

A child who is too young to understand why he is not like other normal children of his age goes through a rough time both at home and school. Then there are constant comparisons with a sibling, who incidentally is a topper and is 'fit to compete in today's world'. He just gives up trying and gets lost within himself. Ishaan was lucky enough to get noticed by a teacher who understands his special needs. How many other children would find similar support? Wha…