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Voices of the void

She didn't remember how much time had lapsed since she had thrown away her watch. The ticking of the only other clock in the room ensured that the time moved on. Her back faced the wall that bore that clock while she lay still in her bed with both her arms entwined around her. A sob could be heard every now and then. May be she was tired now. Tired of crying, tired of life, tired of failures and and more than anything, tired of being alone. On any other day it wouldn't have mattered, but today was not any other day. If only there was somebody who had opened the door for her when she came back home a few hours back. Isn't she obscenely selfish if she is longing for another person to spend a bad day with? She had never before felt a similar void.

Then she remembered him.That whole episode of her life came back to her mind out of nowhere and disturbed her even more. Or may be it soothed her. She was confused and that annoyed her.

A glass of cold water was what she needed now. Overcoming inertia had never been tougher. A few moments later she came back and sat at that same spot where she had been lying for close to 4 hours now. Her mind deviated from what troubled her currently to a matter that should not affect her anymore. Is that even worth it, thinking about the past and what could have been? She thought to herself, "Was she still dwelling in the past? Was she still bitter?". She wasn't.

However, she remembered when she had last felt this same void expanding within her- on the night when he was leaving. The night when he sat rummaging through his stuff, searching for something and then repacking, while she sat in a corner of the same room. They had both consented to it. Theoretically speaking it shouldn't have been that painful. But life teaches us lessons when we least expect them. Before leaving he spoke, "I am not afraid that you will be all alone when I am gone, because I believe that I will sense any trouble that approaches you. I will fight it off for you, while you remain oblivious to it. Trust me if you can." 

"Where are you today?", she thought. "Why can't you sense that I can't deal with all this anymore? Why don't you come and rescue me now? Can you hear me? How can you not know that I have been crying my eyes out every night before sleeping?" 

And then...

"Don't worry I am here. I got a little late this time. You have been managing so well all this while that I thought you didn't need me." She heard him speak.

The next morning as she sat sipping her tea, she wondered, whether she was able to fall asleep after she heard those comforting words or she heard those words after she fell asleep. 


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