A lot of people around me used to (and still do) confide in me. I was the perfect listener. And i enjoyed doing that. Its not that i am a "guru" and can give perfect advices to anybody and everybody. I believed that just listening to somebody's problems half-solves it. But i was unaware that this creates a kind of emotional dependence. I could have still dealt with this emotional dependence which others have on me, if i was leading a "perfect" and "peaceful" life. But, like most people on this earth i have my own worries, deadlines and tensions. If everybody around me, uses me like a "complain register" telling me how unhappy they are with their lives, i m left with nobody with whom i can have a normal conversation. This is the reason that i have started staying away and avoiding people for the first time in my life.
If everybody around me is so unhappy, who am i supposed to turn to if i want to share any of my problems? There are very few such people in my life right now. I respect them and love them for listening to what i have to say, for a change. From my experience i have learnt that one should not be so dependent on anybody that u can't "live" without talking to them. It makes life miserable for both. I don't want to do that.
Inspite of presence of some friends on whom i can rely on, i try to solve my problems and shed my tears in the lonely confines of my room. And i m not complaining about that. I m enjoying My "current" intimate relationship with my room.
I still meet people, chat with them, listen to what they want to say. But after all this socializing, i have to spend time with myself. And the only place where it can happen is in my room. I cant sleep before spending a "private-hour" with myself. Thats my favourite time of the day.
I love watching TV. The number of phone calls i and "a buddy" had to make in order to get this new CAS (Conditional Access System) thing to work is a double-digit number (i dont even remember). Finally its working. Its not that i spend hours everyday sitting in front of the tv. Its mainly on sundays, when i like to watch some event or a news update or a movie. Tomorrow is the first sunday after the cable connection has been normalized. And i m pretty excited. Want to watch Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander at 1pm on MAX. :)
Books are my passion. They are my life in more than one ways. A book for me is what a "soap-opera" is for many other people. I m not like one of those readers who can't put a book down once they start reading it. I read an average of 20-30 pages everyday just before going to sleep. I feel each and every word i read. Its just like a daily episode of a tv series. I love it that way.
The only novel which i didnt put down before finishing was Gone With The Wind. I finished the 1024 pages in just 5 days. Thats a record for me.
What m i doing in my room when i m not watching tv, not reading a book and not answering my phone? "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" is the answer!
There is no limit to my sleep. I can sleep for 24 hrs (or even more than that, if i dont feel hungry). There are many people who can vouch for this fact. After my annual work seminar on 15th of march (thursday) i slept for whole of the weekend. I woke up only on Sunday eve after my whole body started to ache. But it was great. Just that my lab-mates got a little scared, whether i was alive or .....
All this sitting quietly in room, reading or watching tv, or sleeping....i think is turning me into a "loner". Sometimes i dont like it when people come to my room when i want to sit alone. I have become very protective about my privacy. It was never like this before. There was a time when "somebody" was here, and it was expected that i would maintain some privacy. But I never felt this way.
I think i m tired of people. I have started prefering inanimate objects to living beings.