Life's Onward Journey...

Of late my schedule has become too erratic. Though it is not the first time this is happening to me, i am really beginning to hate it. I feel sleepy at all the wrong hours and when it is time to sleep (for normal people) I am wide awake. Last night I went to bed at a good time, which was 11:30 pm. But something was different from all the normal individuals who sleep around that hour everyday. I had taken an anti-allergic pill. Good! The effect was so good that allergy vanished and I slept for around 15-16 hours (believe me). I have been trying hard to get back the schedule to normal. But it's not happening. So, now something drastic needs to be done. ....I wont sleep till I am dead tired. ....I will not sleep at all if it is beyond 2:00 am. ....Some form of exercise has to happen everyday. I just hope it works. I am really fed up. :(

On one of those nights when I was lying on the bed, waiting for sleep to come and embrace me this thought struck me. "Can we love the one we hate and can we hate the one we love?" I kept on thinking and talking to myself and then slept off. The next morning I remembered some points which I pondered over while some were incoherent. But still if I had to find my answer to this question it would be "No". How one answers this question (don't know whether this question really needs to be answered...) depends on the experiences of their own life. I feel that both "love" and "hatred" are extreme emotions. Anything less than the extreme would have another name but not these. And if I imagine a scale from minus-infinity to plus-infinity, I would label the minus-infinity point as "Hate/Hatred", Zero point as "Indifference or Absence of any emotion" and plus-infinity point as "Love". Normally our emotions fall somewhere in...

It has been 3 long years since you left us. Memories of those years spent together, the fights, the badminton matches, or just a stroll around the colony park... I remember all of them. I remember how you looked when we first met and what wrong impression I had of you. It was only after knowing you that I understood what you actually were and why people said the opposite about you. You made an impact on me in those growing years. You were my ideal, you still are. I remember the moments when you cried for me, sometimes with me. I knew you felt my pain. That's rare. I remember the last time we met. You were on the way back to Hyderabad, and the train was supposed to go via Kanpur. You insisted that we come to the station to meet you. We came. The train had already arrived. And you were standing on the platform. Tall as you were, I saw you from a distance and waved. You hugged me. For the 10 minutes that we were together, your hands rested on my right shoulder, firmly. And my hand aro...

Directorial debut of Ajay Devgan is disappointing, if nothing else. I could not emotionally connect to the movie, nor empathize with the lead actors. It seems as if the makers wanted to make something else and because of unknown reasons, the movie turned out to be completely different. In an attempt to convert the movie into a commercial one, a lot of attention was paid on useless things like the cruise-liner. There was absolutely no substance in the movie. The first half which was supposed to show love blossoming between the couple looked like a bad joke with one corny dialogue after another. When misfortune strikes in the form of Alzheimer's, one hardly feels sorry for the couple. To add to the numbness, the couple's friends irritate the audience like anything. After a few silly jokes and a few drinks, its time to wrap-up the movie and then the whole idea of 'U', 'me' and 'hum' is thrown towards the audience. And before you realize anything else, the m...

Yeah, things are okay...moving towards fine...and one day, things will be great. I am not just waiting for that day but have started trying my best to work for it. After a long time, I managed to finish all the jobs I had planned to do in a day (tick marks on my planner say so). Work is happening, but not at a great speed. It will move on gradually. I have still not finished (actually not started) writing the draft of my research paper. I am still avoiding my guide as I have not made the elaborate experiment plan for a period of a month. Morning walks are also not happening. I have to get back to the normal schedule. Room cleaning and decluttering still keeps me happy. Remember this ? Reading Amitabha Bagchi's 'Above Average' these days. Have not touched the guitar since i dont know when. The latest excuse is that one of the strings broke. The last of my fishes (and the most lovable one) is dead. I got four new ones today. I have become used to seeing some movement in that ...

After 29 years of being alive and 11 years of living away from home I wonder whether I will be able to give up the singledom I have been enjoying so far and get married? What does 'enjoying singledom' mean? Coming back from work anytime I feel like. Eating what I want to eat. If I feel like cooking I cook. If i don't feel like, I don't. Doing what I want to do in spare time. Read a novel. Go for a movie. Go for a stroll. Go shopping. Or just sleep for hours. Spend my money the way I want to. On myself or my loved ones. Wear what I like or what I feel suits me. My room is 'my space'. Once I shut the door, I am cut-off from the 'outside world'. The 'outside world' can influence 'my space' only with my permission. If I feel like staying alone, I lock myself in my room for hours and days. If I don't feel like talking, I can do that. The list can be lengthened more. In a nutshell, enjoying singledom means 'doing what I feel like, when...

A late review. Of late I have been very busy with several things happening at the same time. Couldn't take time off to watch this movie. And after watching it I didn't get time to write about it. The first and the foremost reason to write this 'late review' ( i skipped writing about Jab We Met and Aaja Nachle because I could not write the draft in the first week) is the newcomer Anurag Sinha. But i will come to it later :) Has Subhash Ghai made " Black and White "? Then who made " Yaadein " and " Kisna "? Forget it... I wont say that 'Black and White' is an excellent movie or a hat-ke type movie. But it does offer something new. After such a long time I heard actors speaking good Urdu. All actors, major or minor, spoke the language as it is spoken. I remember Rani Mukherji in Veer Zaara . She couldn't even pronounce her name in the movie correctly. It was a treat watching and listening to theatre actor Habib Tanvir after such...

An iron needle is the simplest object which can be converted into a magnet. The atoms in this needle is arranged to form small domains which are small magnets. Before the needle becomes a magnet, the domains in its structures are chaotically arranged and point in all directions. When this needle is subjected to a strong magnetic field the domains swing and point in the direction of the magnetic field. When all or most of the domains get aligned in similar way, the 'ordinary needle' becomes a 'magnetic needle'. Chaos is seldom productive. It needs to be cleared and arranged/aligned. This is done at various points of our lives. Our parents teach us how to keep ourselves clean and tidy, how to keep our room and work place tidy. Teachers instruct us during lectures so that anything which is half understood or not understood gets in the head clearly, the way it should be. There are so many 'special magnets' around us which help us in aligning our thoughts and chanel...

It's not the valentine's day fever (or is it?) which makes me think of 'love' today. I m a romantic no matter what time of the year it is. And just like many others I associate this feeling with a few songs. These are my 10 favourite songs. Each of them special for a different reason. Would love to hear somebody special sing at least one of them for me. (Sigh! Will it ever happen?) 1. Dum bhar jo udhar munh phere (Awara 1951) The song signifies playful boldness between two lovers. The lovers, a 'good' girl and a 'not-so-good' guy and the attraction between them is apparent in the song. The girl is aware that the guys character has a certain level of unreliability and insensitivity so she expresses her vulnerability and requests him to take care of her feelings. The guy at the same time may be feels some pride that such a girl has fallen for him. A perfect example of 'opposites attract'. 2. Jalte hain jiske liye (Sujata 1959) A perfect way of exp...

That day I was walking past a desert. Nothing except huge sand dunes was in view. I still kept on walking. I tried to remember how I reached there. I couldn't. I started walking with my eyes shut. It was then that I sensed a sweet fragrance . I was startled. I know this smell. When and where did I smell it first? Before I could realize, i felt a cool breeze stroking my hair. The breeze was carrying the familiar fragrance. For a moment I stood still with my eyes shut. I felt the breeze gently carressing me. Then an unknown pain engulfed me. And I started bleeding from the tip of my fingers. I was crying as well. It continued till eternity. The pain started to diminish. I opened my eyes. I was standing under the blue sky, facing the ocean. Near my feet i saw a new-born baby. It was me, wrapped in a thick white cloud . Now, the cloud was emanating the sweet fragrance. I lifted myself and stared in my eyes. They were innocent and untouched by any worldly evil. I said a prayer. I st...

Hari....sorry Dr. P. Hari Kumar, this post is dedicated to you. I know how long you must have been waiting for this day. Finally it's over and you can move to the next stage of your life. I am really happy for you. You know this happiness is much, much more than the pain of you leaving TIFR and all of us. Apart from my batchmates who joined the institute with me, you have been my longest if not the closest association here. The innumerable nights before my seminars when i used to get panic attacks, i remember Monika and you sitting with me. I remember the night before my project 2 seminar (which i flunked :)) when we were sitting in the library and discussing my project and the lack of clarity in it. For a presentation as petty as journal club I required Monika and you. I have learnt so much from you in the past 4 and a half years. It's going to be tough to stay in the department without you. Even if i was not the 'regular' gang member at east canteen, or mac...

This time i want to write about a ritual i follow everyday and a problem i have been facing. I have 'n' numbers of glasses and bowls, big and small. Everyday i drop my riches in them after placing the glasses and bowls in a particular sequence. Of late i have observed a change. The bowl which comes first doesn't seem to get filled. I end up pouring all my earnings in that bowl and still i see it empty. And i m left with nothing to put in the other bowls. I m turning poor everyday... Why is this happenin May be somehow my riches are turning invisible after i pour them in the bo This time i want to write about a ritual i follow everyday and a problem i have been facing. I have 'n' numbers of glasses and bowls, big and small. Everyday i drop my riches in them after placing the glasses and bowls in a particular sequence. Of late i have observed a change. The bowl which comes first doesn't seem to get filled. I end up pouring all my earnings in that bowl and sti...

Saw the first show of Taare Zameen Par yesterday. A beautiful movie. A must watch for all. The movie deals with an issue 'less-explored'-- needs of a child. What does "taking care of a child" mean? Putting your child in the best school available. Spending money on tutions, swimming classes, dance classes, and what not. Getting them the best designer wear available. Chocolates, video games, picnics... TZP tries to define "taking care" which is very different from what is percieved by most adults. A child who is too young to understand why he is not like other normal children of his age goes through a rough time both at home and school. Then there are constant comparisons with a sibling, who incidentally is a topper and is 'fit to compete in today's world'. He just gives up trying and gets lost within himself. Ishaan was lucky enough to get noticed by a teacher who understands his special needs. How many other children would find similar support? ...

Do we have to appreciate this movie just because it comes from Prakash Jha Productions or it is directed by Sudhir Mishra (of 'Hazaaron Khwahishen Aisi' fame)? Or because it tries to tell the story of yesteryears filmstars? I m sorry i can't do that. Khoya Khoya Chand is one of the most boring movie i have ever seen. At the end of it, it is just a retro-fashion parade by Soha Ali Khan. She does look stunning. But is that what a movie should be about? The editing is bad which makes the movie discontinuous. Characterisations are poor. The music is ok. Oh yes, how can i forget Ravindra, who plays the reigning super star (with hardly any screen time and zero dialogues). What??? You missed that 'hunk with a stubble'? Its too late now. You wont even find him if you Google (i tried that!). :-) And the most funny moment in the movie was not a part of the movie but occurred on the other side of the screen. When a chaotic scene of horses galloping across tents was being shown...

I just finished reading " By the river piedra i sat down and wept " by Paulo Coelho . I wont comment on the story of this book. What i like most about Paulo Coelho's books is the man-nature interface. A man or a woman is often seen wandering seeking for something important. And on the way they have various experiences. The description of nature's beauty in some of his books make my mind wander to those mountain ranges, to small villages, to brooks, to the meandering stony paths. I would love to walk alone in the midst of nature with birds chirping around me and dry leaves crumbling under my feet... I want to be free of all commitments and just wander. Last year i went on a trek to Harishchandragarh with 3 of my friends. It was the best experience i ever had. That was the only time i was close to nature and away from civilization. The memories are still afresh. These photographs were taken by Satyaki (my bear). In the first photograph you can see the sun shining on me...

Fun to watch nonsense sometimes. And this one is the most nonsensical movie ever made in Indian history (that's a safe comment). The best thing i like about this movie is its honesty . It was never publicised to be the next Oscar-winning movie. It lives upto its expectations. SRK makes us smile, laugh and laugh more & go mad and then irritate a bit. But SRK is allowed to do that. OSO is a remake of Karz with added flavors. Arjun Rampal plays Simi Grewal (young and the old one without the black wig). Deepika Padukone plays the girl-in-love who is wronged by her lover. SRK is the one who avenges her death. So, the one who is wronged and the one who takes revenge is not the same in this remake of the old movie. That's the creative touch of the director of this movie, Farah Khan. And yes one more addition to the old movie. Yeah, i m talking of the ghostly-twist in the end. Really funny was the "totally-lifted" scene from Karz. Durga Khote calls out to her dead and n...

Disappointing. Mr SLB, we get the point that life has treated you very badly. But why subject the audience to your idiosyncracies? You should have declared that this movie is not for the masses. Why did you cheat your audience? The only thing worth mentioning is the music. But what about the intervening sequences when the main protagonists were either jumping around or laughing or crying without any conceivable reason (at least we fools did not get the point). At least there was something believable in the character of Ranbir Raj (i.e. when he was not imitating either his grand father or his father). He seemed to be a not-yet-grown-up school boy who falls in love with a strange (and also a stranger) girl. And since it is known that in love people often behave like a fool, any subsequent action of his which follows his falling in love is justified. But what was this girl Sakina about? I m sorry but you could not get into the heart of the character. We have seen a Nandini screaming ...

"One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs And the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls" Translated from persian poem " Kabul" by Saib-e-Tabrizi A thousand Splendid Suns is a tale of friendship between two women with an age difference of 19 years. A series of unfortumate events lead to Mariam and Laila getting married to Rasheed, an abusive and domineering husband. The man marries Mariam with the sole purpose of getting a child (read male child) and when she is unable to do so she ends up being a caretaker of his house and a punching-bag whenever he feels like taking out his frustrations. Mariam, an illegitimate child, is abandoned by her father after her mother dies. Getting married to Rasheed was not by choice. The backdrop of story is the ongoing war in Afghanistan. The war which left many parents child-less and created new orphans everyday. Laila was one such orphan who was duped into marrying Rasheed (his purpose of marrying remained ...

She loved flowers. She saw them as a bunch of smiles, an inspiration to live, untouched by worldly worries. A flower knows that it is going to wither away in finite time. But we cannot make out from its vibrant colors that it knows that. There lies its greatness. It teaches us to live today to the fullest. She simply loved flowers. Is there a way to preserve the beauty of a flower? She kept on thinking and searching a way to do this impossible task. Then one day, a day which seemed special beginning with the way the first ray of sun struck the earth, she found a magic vase . Flowers kept in this vase will never wither. She began keeping her favourite flowers in this magic vase. It turned out to be true. The vase preserved the beauty of the flowers. It seemed like a dream. No, it was not a dream. She lived those moments. The eversmiling scented flowers blooming in her own room on her bedside, from day to night. They gave her life a new vigour. She and the flowers became one and the s...

Going home after a year. Before that i will be spending some time at JNU with few of my friends and seniors. I m excited about so many things. Traveling (i love all comfortable modes of transport). Meeting old friends after 2 years. Meeting family. Somehow i m getting this feeling that it's not meeting people which i m excited about. I m more eager to be at the place where i stayed 4 years back. Woh tedhe medhe raaste, woh pathreeli pagdandi, woh dhaaba, woh seedhiyan, aur woh mera kamra, chhota magar pyaara sa... Nostalgia. Why m i thinking about those inanimate things? May be i expect that they would not have changed as much as i have changed in all these years. People change. But do places also change (in absence of any physical re-construction)? Will i get the same emotions when i reach there? Less likely, but let me see. I hope this short vacation does any good to me. I hope i come back with a few good memories.